


I Close My Eyes Until I See

by AnakarayaSlytherin



Series: The Quinckie Stories [2]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul, Tokyo Ghoul:re
Genre: Character Study, Friendship, Gen, Mutsuki is the light of my life ok, Trans Character, some anxiety, some transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-19
Updated: 2014-11-19
Packaged: 2018-02-26 05:51:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2640455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnakarayaSlytherin/pseuds/AnakarayaSlytherin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Mutsuki is scared at night he thinks about his friends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Close My Eyes Until I See

**Author's Note:**

> Wow two fics in a row I'm on a role! :D  
> Also again, they are in the tags buuut to make sure: there is some transphobia. Nothing TOO bad but I don't want to trigger anyone.

Sometimes Mutsuki wonders what he’s doing here with the CCG. He’s not strong, he can barely fight, and he’s terrified when it comes to a lot of things, but… he stays anyways. He owes the CCG for saving his life, for taking him in when his family was killed, and for accepting who he is when even he couldn’t accept himself.  
  
Besides that, he could never leave his friends.  
  
Haise is protective of him, like an older sibling or parent. When he first met Haise he was scared because, while the CCG had accepted his wish of being referred to as a guy, he honestly had no idea how his team leader would react.  
‘ _What if he calls me a freak? what if he refuses to work with me? What will I do?’_ Mutsuki had been terrified out of his mind.  
Yet when Haise walked through the door he hadn’t looked at him weirdly or with disgust, instead he had smiled and said:  
 _“You’re Tooru Mutsuki right? The newest member? Welcome!”  
He had looked around the room nervously then, as if trying to find the right words, “The higher ups said you wanted to be referred to as a boy, is that right?”  
_ Mutsuki had nodded, the knot in his throat keeping him from answering as he rubbed his hands together nervously, he was feeling more scared by the second, worried at what reaction Haise would create.  
Haise gave him a wide, kind smile _, “Ok that’s fine! I just wanted to make sure! Welcome to the Quinckes, Mutsuki!_ ”  
Afterwards he had asked Mutsuki if he wanted to eat lunch with him so they could get to know each other better, and he began making some really awkward food pun in the process, as if he was trying to make Mutsuki comfortable.  
Mutsuki had felt safe immediately.

  
Saiko was his closest friend after Haise. Saiko… well she didn’t leave her room much. It wasn’t her fault, she had a lot of issues when it come to leaving her personal space. Mutsuki didn’t push or ask, he knew she wouldn’t like that. Instead whenever he wanted to hang out with her he’d go to her room and the two would watch a lot of movies together. She was a huge fan of those gore filled horror films, the types with peoples limbs being sliced off while blood spurted all over the place. Mutsuki couldn’t stand them to be honest, blood made him sick and reminded him of his anemia and… and the last time he saw his family. But he knew that with his job he couldn’t hide from it forever, so whenever she asked to watch one of those films he pushed himself to do it. They would eat lots of chocolate and popcorn and Saiko and Mutsuki would make theories on what would happen by the end and bet candy for whoever would be right (Mutsuki was right a good amount of the time which was surprising considering he would hide under a blanket through most of the films). By the end of their movie night the two would have fallen asleep surrounded by cookies and chocolate, curled around each other like puppies. And in the morning they would wake up early and try to clean everything up before Haise saw, already planning the next movie night. 

 

Shirazu was next. Shirazu… was a strange one. Loud and strange looking were the first things Mutsuki thought when he first met him. And he had been sure that if anyone was going to raise a fuss about his gender it would be Shirazu. But, like with Haise, he never did. In fact he once defended him against some rude guy who was making some disgusting comments about him when they were interviewing some people in a neighborhood together.  
 _The guy had started out just being ignorant: “What are you?”  
“Uh… What do you mean?”  
_ _“Are you a boy or a girl?”  
_ _“Oh! I’m a boy.”  
_ _The man had suddenly gotten closer, “You sure about that? Because you don’t sound like one.”  
_ _“I- I’m sure” Mutsuki was beginning to get nervous.  
_ And the more uncomfortable and scared Mutsuki became the more aggressive the man got, until he was almost yelling in his face.   
But before Mutsuki could do anything Shirazu was standing in front of him:   
 _“The fuck are you doing?”  
_ _“Excuse me?” the man had sputtered.  
_ _“Leave Tooru alone got it? He says he’s a boy he’s a boy. So either you go away, or yer goin’ to have a problem”  
_ At this point Shirazu was _really_ in the man’s face. The man got a terrified look in his face and ran off fast afterwards. After making sure the guy wasn't coming back Shirazu had turned to Mutsuki:  
 _“You alright Tooru?”  
_ _Mutsuki had nodded, still shaking slightly from the whole thing. Shirazu gave him a slight grin and patted him on the back, “Don't worry about that asshole alright? Yer better than him anyways.”_  
Mutsuki realized then Shirazu was a friend.

  
Last was Urie. To be honest Mutsuki couldn’t figure out if he thought of Urie as a friend or not. Urie was quiet and rarely talked to him, but even Mutsuki could tell he didn't really liked him much. He didn’t seem to like any of them to be honest, the only one he spent time with was Shirazu who followed him around like a puppy. But even with knowing that Mutsuki still thought of him as family. 

 

So when late at night he laid in his bed, wondering just what the hell he was doing in this horrifying world, he would think of his friends. His weird, terrifying, and kind friends who defended and took care of him and believed in him.   
And he realize that maybe there was a reason he was here after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Mutsuki is literally my most precious darling alright. I adore him to PIECES and I thank Ishida for giving us a well written trans character. And after seeing how Shirazu acts around him I really think he would be protective of him as well (Shirazu is so great).  
> Also since we don't know.. well anything really, about Saiko everything I wrote is headcanons but I really think she has some anxiety or depression keeping her from leaving her room. Hopefully we'll get to see her in canon again soon!! 
> 
> Also my next Quinckie fic might take a while cause I'm not finished with it yet. :P 
> 
> Kuddos and comments appreciated!! :)


End file.
